KIGALI, Rwanda — More than 100 men from across Rwanda spent three days this week discussing a subject many admitted they rarely talk about openly: how to become better husbands.

The men, members of the Assemblies of God Rwanda, known as EPADR (Eglise Pentecôte des Assemblées de Dieu au Rwanda), gathered for a retreat organized by the church’s Christian Men’s Fellowship, where they were challenged to rethink their roles within their families and examine how their behavior affects their wives, children and homes.

By the time the retreat ended on June 20, many participants said they had come to a sobering realization: providing financially for a family is not enough.

Instead, they pledged to spend more time with their wives, communicate more openly, help with household responsibilities and become more involved in raising their children.

Many acknowledged that in the pursuit of work and economic survival, they had gradually neglected family relationships.

“Most of us spend our time looking for livelihoods,” said Félicien Habyarimana from Ngoma District. “You become so focused on providing for the family that you forget the family itself needs your presence.”

Habyarimana said the retreat helped him realize that he had left many family responsibilities to his wife.

“I am going to make more time for my wife and children,” he said. “I want us to talk more and rebuild our relationship. I now understand that not being available was creating problems.”

Throughout the retreat, participants were encouraged to examine habits that often create tension within marriages. Discussions focused on communication, mutual respect, transparency in family finances and the importance of emotional support within the home.

Many participants admitted that they rarely expressed affection or appreciation to their wives and often assumed that financial provision alone fulfilled their responsibilities as husbands.

Jean Pierre Nsabimana from Kirehe District said the retreat challenged him to see family life differently.

“I realized that household work can be exhausting,” he said. “I will do more to help my wife, speak kind words to her and work to solve problems before they grow bigger.”

Participants also identified what they described as some of the most common threats to family stability, including poor communication between spouses, secrecy over finances, excessive pride, lack of quality time and sharing private family matters with outsiders.

According to the men, these issues often create conflicts that eventually damage marriages.

Women participating in the discussions offered a candid assessment of what many families are experiencing.

Pastor Joy Rucyahana said many wives feel increasingly disconnected from their husbands, not because of financial hardship, but because affection, appreciation and meaningful conversation have disappeared from many homes.

“Women are always waiting to hear kind words from their husbands,” she said. “But many no longer hear them.”

She urged men not to bring workplace authority and social status into family life.

“The best words should begin at home,” she said. “We want words of love and encouragement. We do not want husbands who come home acting like lions.”

Church leaders say the retreat was designed to address growing concerns about family breakdown and to encourage men to take greater responsibility within their homes.

Rev. Anastase Ntwarane, who leads the Christian Men’s Fellowship within EPADR, said the church believes strong families are built when men actively participate in family life rather than limiting their role to financial provision.

“In our country, divorce has become a challenge,” he said. “A man who respects God should also respect his wife and children. We want men who understand that being a husband is reflected in actions, not merely words.”

The initiative has received support from the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion (MIGEPROF), which views religious institutions as important partners in strengthening families and promoting healthy relationships.

Silas Ngayaboshya, Director General in charge of Gender Promotion and Women’s and Men’s Complementarity at the ministry, said faith-based organizations can play a significant role in helping families navigate modern pressures.

“Churches are among the places where people are shaped and where families are built,” he said. “We would like to see more religious institutions creating opportunities to discuss family relationships, shared responsibilities and gender equality.”

The retreat comes at a time when Rwanda continues to face rising divorce rates. According to figures from the National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda, 4,479 divorces were registered in 2025, with Kigali recording the highest number.

For organizers, however, the focus was not on statistics but on prevention.

They believe stronger marriages begin with simple actions: listening more, speaking more kindly, sharing responsibilities and making time for one another.

As the men returned to their communities across Rwanda, many carried home a challenge issued repeatedly throughout the retreat: that the strongest families are not built through income alone, but through daily acts of love, respect and commitment.

For some, the lesson was straightforward. Becoming a better husband may begin with something as simple as making time to sit down, talk and listen.